We all know what pick-up lines are- an icebreaker intended to crack up the person you’re trying to pick up. Without them, some guys (and girls) don’t stand a snowflake’s chance in hell when it comes to landing a partner.
The idea for this blog came to me when I went to a tavern the other day and saw a guy try to pick up a girl. My mature, grown-up self, immediately flashed back to the days when similar things used to happen to me. These days I would have to stick my leg out and trip a guy to make him take notice.
But I digress.
I’ve been subjected to a few pick-up lines in my college days. Even fell for one or two. Guys have approached me, hoping to win a score. (Reading this you might envision an upscale bar and a hot chick surrounded by guys waiting in a queue for her attention.) Errr…No…That was never me. If there was a table for ordinary girls with their ordinary smiles, ordinary hair, and last season’s clothes- there you would have spotted me.
Back to my story. This happened one night in a dark and seedy pub in a little corner of my world. I was with a group of friends, warpaint as thick as clay on my face. As we sat there, trying to figure out what the hell was a dirty Martini, a guy approached us. He came in my direction, then the last minute made a beeline for my BFF. The truth was, I wouldn’t have gone out with him even if he’d offered me a million bucks. Because he had desperate written all over him. Slightly glassy eyes, two inch boots to give him vertical enhancement, a bleached smile and a wallet full of cash he kept flashing as if it was the golden ticket to Wonka’s factory. But for some weird reason, the fact that I didn’t make his cut miffed me. Women are weird that way. We don’t want them, but we don’t want them not to want us!!!)
He started off with my BFF, giving her his opening ammo- “Do you have a Band-Aid, because I hurt my knee falling for you.”
A few minutes later, he approached another friend of mine- “You look a lot like my next girl friend.”
Finally he approached me. By then the girls were in a fit of giggles. Amped with Dutch courage, I waited for his cheesy line.
“Hey, I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?”
I gave him a saccharine-sweet smile. If he had any sense, he would’ve run for the hills. But the guy was plastered. So he stayed.
“Sure, hun.” Ignoring the groans of my besties, I rattled off my number.
The guy was a bit taken back by my quick answer. It took him a moment to reorient and figure out that I had given him an actual number. There was a flurry of activity while he frantically searched for his phone, jabbed it with unsteady fingers to get it up and going. Then he asked me to repeat the number. So I did.
“So, can I give you a call on this number sometime tomorrow?”
“Sure. I can’t wait.”
He gave me a funny look. “Ah…okay.”
“Hey…before you go, I just want to tell you that our wedding, it has to be in Bali. I’ve always dreamed about a beach wedding. I hope you’re okay with that.”
“I knew you were the one the moment I saw you. I am so glad you asked me out.”
He was beginning to sweat by this point. “But I didn’t…”
“What’s your sign? Mine is Scorpio. I hope you’re a Pisces. Because a Scorpio’s best fit is Pisces. Are you a Piscean? It’s okay if you’re not. We’ll make it work somehow.”
He took two steps back. “Can I…I just need to…I’ll be back in a sec.”
I flashed him another smile. And fluttered my very fake lashes. “Sure I’ll be waiting.”
A decade later, I am still waiting 🙂