Bat those eyelashes, Lassie :)

Now, when you read the above meme, you might think the following post is all about philosophical, hard-to-digest, life changing stuff. To be able to pull off such a stunt, I need to know the merits of philosophical approaches to life. Which I don’t. I know squat when it comes to life. So you are safe.

What I really want to tell you today is a dating lesson I learned through my career Journey. In mid 2006, I started off my career in an aged care setting. My job mostly consisted of dealing with elderly folks and their geri-antics. And believe me when I say that you’re not always dealing with sweet, gentle folks who smell like betadine and walk at the pace of a snail. You’re often left to deal with geriatric power walkers who dash around in their shiny zinger frames,  who would give you a run for your money, and who would almost always win if you pit against their wit.

But I digress.

The following incident had me in a fit of giggles for days. I hope it will give you a chuckle or two.

There was this eighty five year old lady who was a bit of flirt in our village. She was outspoken, head strong, yet sweet as candy when she chose to be (Which only happened when she was around the hot Physiotherapist.). Apart from my Mom, I guess she was the one who worried I did not have a partner at that point. Subtly, then not-so-subtly, finally with the subtlety of a steam roller, she began to give me dating advices.

One day while I was assisting the folks with Bingo, she pointed to an elderly gentleman two tables away and said she was going to demonstrate how the whole “Flirting and trapping” your baby daddy was really done. I subtly pointed to her that they were both well past the “baby making” age. But she snorted and said she was more interested in the practice sessions. (I told you, she was a holy terror.)

For the next few minutes, she actively demonstrated to me and the old girls at our table how to flash our ankles at our suitors (Which didn’t make any sense as it was a hot day and most of us were wearing shorts). She then proceeded to show us how to give coy smiles, and finally bat our eyelashes like a fifties movie star. The elderly gentleman she was trying trap looked surprised at first, then I saw his expression morph from surprise to confusion as my  dating-guru kept batting her eyelashes at him. At this point, I warned her not to go messing around with new, unsuspecting guys. The older residents knew her and kept a respectful distance from her. But this guy was new, hence clueless. Obviously this had the reverse effect. She steamed ahead, at full throttle, challenging me.

At one point I saw the gentleman lift his arm and summon the village manager. Trouble. This was trouble. I just knew it.

Another few minutes, the village manager came up to our table. A nurse accompanied her, with a small white tray.

The manager knelt down on the floor and asked my dating guru is she was feeling okay. I rolled my eyes skyward. She was a little too okay for everyone’s comfort. Then the manager proceeded to ask my Guru if her eyes were giving her trouble. Apparently the new resident had seen her batting her lashes and thought she was having trouble with her vision. For the next few minutes there was a heated argument about eye drops, cataract, surgery, eye doctors etc etc. Finally, satisfied that my Guru’s vision was okay, the manager and the nurse left.

I waited for a whole minute and half. Then I couldn’t hold back. I cracked up. My Guru was sporty enough not to take it the wrong way. Soon she joined in and we had a good laugh. But from that day forward, she never gave me a dating advice.

Life lesson 102= For Christ’s sake, don’t bat your eyelashes at the guy you’re trying to trap***cough****I mean, marry. Unless he is an Opthalmologist. Then all bets are off.